Leadership & Likability

Wait, what’s going on? A 2018 Forbes article, How to Become a Likable Leader, by Ken Gosnell, says likability is “one of the most important traits of any leader. . . . Often, the leaders who are the most likable produce the best results.” 2024’s Why Being Liked Will Probably Never Make You a Great Leader, by Benjamin Laker, argues the opposite in the very same publication.

Squishy Science, Experiential No-brainer

The science of likability and leadership seems squishy. Review the literature and you’ll find plenty of poorly designed studies with conclusions based on what appears to be shaky logic. And in the online content creation mill that pre-dates AI but certainly includes it, many “authors” assert any range of things about likability, again without substance.

Nonetheless, likability remains a popular topic in organizational life  . . . because we’re human. For a species that thrives on relational connection, likability – consciously or not – affects most interpersonal interactions. (I didn’t do a study. This part is common sense.)

And as with most things leadership-related, gaining a nuanced understanding of likability is part of what keeps leaders on the path without ending up in one ditch or another.

Personal Brand

It’s hard to believe the idea of personal brand has been around for more than a quarter century. Tom Peters offered “fifty ways to transform yourself from an ‘employee’ into a brand that shouts distinction, commitment, and passion!”, the subtitle of his 1999 book The Brand You 50. His early entry kicked off an ever-evolving churn of advice about how to communicate what qualities make you you.

Personal brand is essentially the top 5 attributes a person thinks of when they bring you to mind. As a leader, does having likability in your personal brand make a results difference? Is this different for women and men?

How any individual experiences you is outside of your control, of course, but being self-aware about how you engage is relevant for leadership.

Key to Likability: Showing Interest

When you show interest in others by listening well and asking appropriate follow up questions, you become more likable.

Attentive questions show you see the person, value them, and want to learn more.

See The Surprising Power of Questions, by Harvard Business School professors Alison Wood Brooks and Leslie K. John.

Making an attentive posture a common denominator as you interact with your team builds a personal leadership brand that benefits from relationship equity. Being personable creates trust and connection. When your team likes you, you get the benefit of the doubt, and they more readily adapt to change because they know you have them in mind too.

An individual contributor who likes their leader often chooses to advocate for leadership decisions among the broader team, becoming a group dynamo.

The Likability Swamp

Thinking about likability is not a tactic or an end in itself. It’s an aspect of what you choose to integrate as a leader, but it should never take priority over carrying out the often-difficult people management demands of your role.

An immature or anxious leader slips into avoiding hard conversations or avoiding providing accountability, instead giving a team member whatever they seem to want in order to be liked.  Danger, danger! This is the likability swamp from which you may never emerge. It damages teams, destroys trust, and makes it clear you can be played.

A healthy likable leader shows genuine interest in colleagues and team members, and does so without getting sucked into topics, projects, or conversations that waste everyone’s time. A healthy likable leader is confident they can maintain appropriate relationship connection with individuals even as they deliver tough news or ask for costly support. 

Like Yourself

A leader only moves with confidence and relatability, performs their job well, and shows interest in others if they like themselves first.

It’s abundantly obvious to your team if you like yourself and manage fairly, or if you’re casting about trying desperately to find solid ground in the swamp of likability.

Maybe include a question about likability in your next 360 review! Do you have the courage to see what more you can learn about yourself and whether your likability is creating a high-results, high-functioning team?